First off, we all know I’m no expert in psychology. The human psyche, other than mine own, is not something I specialize in. I’m a layman. I can look into my own eyes in the mirror and accept the way that I am.
Acceptance does not mean agreement. Acceptance does not mean you have to like something. Acceptance is just admitting to yourself how good, and how bad, you are. I accept that I eat too much McDonalds just as much as I accept that fact that I’m a praise junkie. Are these good things? Probably not. But you have to know where you are to understand where you are going. The first step to knowing where you are going is to look at yourself and how you live and identifying what makes you tick. Come to terms with your motivations and understand yourself that much better. Do we all have dark, ugly, hidden recesses of our minds that we don’t want to admit to ourselves? Absolutely. Identify, accept, move on.
Not only do we have to struggle with our ego to find our true self, we are at war with those around us. Our family, friends and coworkers see a part of us that we are unable to see. We can’t see the forest for the trees. The people close to us catch our subconscious tics and home in on things that we may not be aware of. Criticism becomes the ugly sister to our ego.
Criticism has a stigma of being only negative. I agree to the point that most criticism is negative; it’s something about us that is less than optimal in our eyes. It’s a bruise to our sensitive ego. If criticism is the ugly sister to ego, personal grown and change it’s a cousin once removed.
Almost all criticism has a root of truth to it and a teeny bit of fact. Truth is not fact. Truth is colored by the perception of the viewer. Fact is a statement that is irrefutable from ANY angle or direction. One fact may have several truths, based on the person who has processed the fact. The important thing to realize is that criticism is there to help us grow. Even if we feel completely and utterly wronged by the sheer audacity of someone questioning our motives there is always a way we can grow from it. We can improve upon ourself in some shape or fashion. The key difficulty? Our inability to admit our faults or weaknesses.
One thing I’ve learned is that criticism is best taken, and the hardest to endure, from people close to us. If a stranger told you that your pants looked wrinkled we wouldn’t bat an idea. Who are -THEY- to question my Dockers??? If our significant other does, we’re quick to try to hide or fix the wrinkles.
When faced with criticism that you doubt or question try the following exercise.
- Clear your mind and understand that you aren’t perfect. KNOW that you want to hide your faults from yourself.
- Grab a paper and pen or pencil.
- Write down the key points to the criticism you received on separate lines, leaving space in between.
- In the gaps write down why you disagree with what you were told.
- Look at your reasons and determine are these facts or are they excuses.
- Write down what you have found you could improve.
- Jot down what actions you should take to improve or change your behavior.
- Review this list regularly and update your actions.
Positive change requires a positive attitude and a humbling of self. Self-introspection and an open mind are the gateway to self-improvement. Accept that you are not perfect and use that as your starting point. Once you’ve accomplished the above exercise a few times you’ll start to do it in your head. Remember to write down your actions so you can look back on them and see what you need to do. This sort of change is addictive! It will lead to improvement in other areas and open your mind up to how other people see you.
